She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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