In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
