using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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