I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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