K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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