He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
