I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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