I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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