Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
