Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
you would pick up someone in the library
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
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