good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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