ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize