beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
