i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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