he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
