it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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