Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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