Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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