I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
