Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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