i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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