I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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