I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
