How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
