thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
