I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
