forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Dear god my vagina.
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