just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
A+ Viking dick
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
