I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize