K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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