i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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