No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
i now understand why vodka
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
