don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
