Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
