Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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