dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
