im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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