You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
