and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
