Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize