how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize