be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
