He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
