I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
