I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
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