Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
