I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
So much Jack, so little girl.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize