maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
