Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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