I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
