never play flip cup with pint glasses
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
