Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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