um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize