We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
