wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
