At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
