hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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