nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
