That's when you crack a 10am beer
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
