false alarm. still invincible.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Less talking, more tequila
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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