Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize