Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
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