i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
3 2 1 whiskey
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
