Non-Jews are for practice
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Just puked most of my soul out..
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
