I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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