Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
