Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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