also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
