This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
