If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
