I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I think your dad took our porno
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
