I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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