my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
