we have officially lost it.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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