Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Randomize
