and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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