Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
