wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize