It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
