So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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