We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
it's great music for shaving your balls
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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