Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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