from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
