I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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