you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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