we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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