I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Girls should come with a carfax report
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
