He is an equal opportunity slut.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
