Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
