She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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