My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
