i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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