so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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