yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
