I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Houston, we have a squirter
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
