My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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