So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
