This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Randomize
