So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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