I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just pynch a tree in the face
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
