why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
