question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
