What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
