I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
