You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
